I hate the sentiment, “Oh, I could never give them up! I don’t
know how you do it!” in regards to both child foster care and dog foster care.
I posted on Facebook that our foster puppy found her forever home. She was an
adorable black, fluffy lab mix with the sweetest puppy dog eyes and soft floppy
ears. I loved her, the kids loved her, but we knew we could not keep her and so
she has moved on to her home with new little kids and kitty friends and she’s
going to do great. But, a friend of mine posted the above I-don’t-know-how-you-can-do-it
comment, which I just couldn’t let go. Usually, I go the short route and say it’s
hard but we manage. This time I wrote a little more because it bothered me. It’s
sort of a back-handed compliment, really. Oh, you are so hard hearted you can
take in these babies and then let them go? No, that is not the case. I do feel
sad and often times I cry (I always cry when it’s human babies leaving), but my
loss is nothing compared to what they have gone through and the losses they
feel. I know my place, I am a way station, just a temporary stopping point for
these babies. If I tried to “keep” them all then I would not be able to help
any more babies. The sad reality is, in our broken world there will always be a
need for foster homes. So, please don’t tell me you can’t do it because
honestly, if I’m being real here, it’s not that you can’t do it, it’s that you
won’t. You won’t tolerate the up’s and down’s of an imperfect system messing
with kids’ lives. You won’t love with all you’ve got knowing that baby, that
child, that teenager (or puppy) will not be with you forever. You don’t want
that hurt, that discomfort. I understand, truly I do. Fostering is not for
everyone. But, don’t say you can’t do it because that just isn’t true. For me,
I’m willing to hurt in order to help the babies, both furry and human, in their
time of need. For me, it is better to have loved and lost than for those children
(dogs) to never have felt love at all (which is not the case, their families do
love them, there are just barriers preventing them from taking care of and
protecting their children).
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After watching a bunch of friends struggle through this I think it's got to be even harder than people imagine. But it's also so so much more rewarding than people imagine too. I wouldnt want to do it. But I am so glad that so many do want to!
ReplyDeleteA friend of mind who has fostered kids has said how it helps to know that they have dropped a pearl of goodness into an otherwise hard life.
ReplyDeleteI admire what you do.
You're absolutely correct, of course. People often say these things without thinking. What they mean is they don't want to imagine something, or they don't want to do it, and they forgive themselves for that by saying they couldn't bear to feel the loss/imagine the loss etc. Rather than knowing what they are getting into, and doing it anyway. Brava to you.
ReplyDeleteWell said. I've always thought that that comment could come across a little negatively to the people who do foster. Fostering is a wonderful thing to do, but not for everyone like you say.
ReplyDelete