Sibling or Caretaker?

A fellow blogger and foster parent posted an interesting question on Facebook a few weeks ago.  The scenario went like this, “You adopted a child from foster care. Another child was born, after your child’s case closed and the infant was placed into foster care. However, the decision makers didn’t notify you of the birth of this child and their need to take custody of the child. This information wasn’t made known to you until the biological family reached out to you. The infant has been in a foster home for about six months and is just about one year old. Which is more important? The bond the infant has with the care givers that have been tasked to temporarily care for them OR the bond with the sibling they’ve never known?”

 

I posed the question to Primero, curious to hear his thoughts on the matter. I know it is hard for him, being the only sibling in his family who was adopted and living with a non-relative. I thought he would side with the baby being moved to be with his/her sibling. And, at first that was his answer. Move the baby in with the older sibling. But, then he thought about when Love Bug was a baby and how attached he had become to me. Primero thought about Love Bug being sent to stay with his older sister, Mini Momma, and he didn’t think that was right to do to the baby. I agreed with him but I also explained, if a baby was able to bond to a caregiver they have a better chance of bonding again. But, if they don’t grow up with their sibling they won’t have the same kind of connection as an adult. I felt the baby should be moved to be with the sibling and suggested the foster families could stay in touch so the loss isn’t so acute. The foster family could be like the baby’s aunt and uncle and, if distance isn’t a prohibitive factor, the families could spend time doing things together, maybe even helping with child care and things like that. Primero lost interest in our conversation after declaring the baby should not be moved, but I think if it were a real-life scenario he might once again believe the baby should be moved to be with his/her sibling.